One Question Left Unanswered

“Just one question, why’d you do it??”

Its been a question that is in my mind constantly haunting me of my sleep. That’s the question that I wanted to ask my cousin brother who committed suicide in July this year. I mean there wasn’t any note or any reason. I just want to know what lead him there. I wasn’t that close to him but well it’s just I have alot of memories that reminds me of him sometimes. The reason I want to know the answer to my question is because I want to know what came to his mind that was so heavy that he couldn’t handle it. In short what kind of thoughts were in his mind.

The people reading this might be wondering why am I saying stuff like that. Its simple actually. I have been struck with this question in my life – ‘What is life worth living for??’ It’s has been on my mind since last year and I have been trying to figure something out but I’ve had no luck so far. I mean I thought I had the answers but apparently I was wrong. I thought that life is about Love or Dreams or Hope or Happiness or Memories. Well I was wrong. I now think that it’s just about shit, nothing more. There’s too much compromising, too much suffocating, too much hiding and too much waiting. So what good does that do. It’s just bunch of boohaki. Life filled with regrets and downs that no matter what you do you can’t change. Time always is more than one step ahead of you, there’s always something to hold you back, there’s always that fear of the future and whatnot. Honestly life sucks and there’s no denying that. Yeah I mean sometimes for some people life is good but not everyone feels the same. It’s like you might have to compromise in whatever you are getting in your life or want in your life. You know people say that you shouldn’t expect things in your life but you know what let’s face the truth here Life is itself consisting of expectations. If you are living then you are expecting. It might not be the greatest or the biggest things but it also includes the smallest of them.

If you want examples I’ll give it to you. The first example is how we compromise. Do you know the reason that people date? It’s kind of a compromise because well if you see the movie ‘She’s Out Of My League’ then you’ll see how the protagonist thinks of himself in the scene where he is bowling. It’s like there’s no love or anything it’s just a myth that we want to believe is true. People go for arrange marriages in India is a very very good example of compromise. If you don’t believe me ask any woman that’s been married. Do you want an example for hope? Here it goes, when you are living your life there’s always something that you are told from a time you are a kid. It’s always told ‘don’t loose hope’. What an interesting way to say keep on believing something that may or may not happen. There are people who star believing that there life like a worthless shit by waking up late everyday, Not bathing, not eating much or eating too much, not caring about anything and worst come to worst doing what my cousin brother did sometimes. So where is the hope that you said was there? Dreams anybody? People have dreams and they are important to them believe me I know. It happens such that not everyone can fulfill their dreams. Sometimes those dreams are crushed while they are just kids or sometimes they never even have a chance to dream, sometimes it also happens that the kid grows up thinking that maybe his dream will come true someday and is heartbroken when he/she finds out that it can’t happen due to many different reasons. Memories are meant to be made so that you can look back at them and have these feelings of joy and happiness and peace but instead the happy memories somehow truns sad. It happens believe me. I say this all by experience.

Our lives are made on this false hope where we just believe that everything that out there in the world is real. If we looked far in the depth of everything you’ll see that nothing is real and that they are all lies so that we can complete the circle of life and move on. There is no purpose in life. We run in circles and I say so because well my dad has his responsibilities and he has lived his life a certain way and now he wants me to live it that way and then put his responsibilities on my head and move one. We all study so that we could land a job that could lead us to future where we get married, buy a house, buy a car, start a family and then do a routine of getting up every day, going to the job, coming home at night, dinner and then sleep. This mostly happens in my country(no offence). I mean we have these dreams but sometimes we can’t fulfill them so we have to make a compromise and settle down the way I explained it to you earlier. We keep on hoping that someday we might get that chance to fulfill that dream but it never happens. There isn’t anything we can do. Time is so far ahead that it feels like it’s too late and sometimes it is true. We say all these positive things like there’s always a silver lining to everything or things happen for a reason or that time shouldn’t matter but it’s all fake. I believe there is no silver lining whatsoever.

People I am so sorry to be this negative today but sometimes the truth hurts and the truth is that it’s been sometime now that I don’t believe in any of these things. I mean I do want to believe in them but it’s just so hard to do so once you’ve seen what life does to you. I remember once there was a boy who was full of positivity and joy and who believed in everything. He wanted to live a life to its fullest. Make every second count. Make so many memories. Love everyone and make everyone happy around him all the time. Time made him go all the way to the opposite and now that’s kid is gone. That’s what I am taking about.

The question that I wanted to ask my cousin brother as mentioned above was because what did he think about the worthiness of his life. Did he think that he was worthless or his life was worthlessness? Did he think that his life was a failure and that he couldn’t do anything that might set things right for him? Did he think that there’s nothing that he could do at all? What was the question in his mind that answered as a “no there isn’t” ? You know the reason that I have been talking like this is because well sometimes it feels that I understand why people do that shit. I mean it’s not the right thing to do but to think about it if nobody keeps them feeding the false hope then that’s what the results turn out to be. The thing is sometimes it’s hard to move on and it might take a really long time to do so. I mean sometimes people say that fight that thing and stand up to do something but to be honest that’s not an easy thing. It’s not that easy to fight your demons and stand up on our feet to move on. The people who say these things to the others should also consider this. Remember that you are the one who is being a support to the other person and it may take some time but don’t give up on that person or say that he’s worthless or a coward. I have said it so many times before that not everyone is the same. It’s true that people do loose hope but hold on to your life because you need to see what can happen in the end. We might not have any hope but until we have the breath in our lungs we should wait and keep on waiting till it runs out naturally because sometimes maybe I don’t know waiting takes you all the way through your life. I might not have the answer but I intend to keep on waiting and experiencing life because it’s all that some of can do. Our purpose might just be that. The waiting and observing.

All pictures are taken from Pinterest.

#Questions #Depression #Lonliness #Alone #SuicidePrevention #Suicide #Life #Observations #Wating #End #Loss #Failure #Dreams #Love #Hope #Compromise #Hate #Purpose #Worth #DontGiveUp #Lifeline #Nothing #Darkness


Questioning Our Existence??

Have you ever questioned yourself as why do people live??

It’s just a thought that came to me while thinking about some stuff. I mean I used to think that everyone has a purpose in life and that’s why we are born. Lately I have given up that kind of nonsense. Well I have been thinking that there’s no thing such as a purpose in life. It has been in my mind since maybe for more than 5-6 years now. We are just a mistake that happened. I mean think about it. It’s going to get a little bit into adultery. If the sperm that created us after bonding with the egg in our mother’s womb never would have bonded then we might not be here. So I seem to think that we are just a stupid possibility that happened that created us. Now don’t take me the wrong way I am just trying to get to figure out some things in life.

People have been saying that everything happens for a reason and it has been going on for so long. Well I like to think that’s bullshit because if everything happens for a reason then if something terrible happens what’s the reason behind that?? When a person who feels like they are worthless, when someone feels alone, when someone feels like a nobody, when someone dies without any reason, when someone gets trapped in some serious illness, when someone commits a crime, when someone hurts someone else, when it feels like the end of the world, when something terrible happens that no one can stop, when earthquakes happen, tsunamis take place, volcano erupts, glaciers melt, people die in a huge quantity, when nothing else matters, when someone feels devastated and sad, when you see your mom an dad sad and not proud of you, when you can’t be with the person you love and want to be with for the rest of your life, when you can’t achieve your dreams, Is this all for a reason?? Well I like to think ‘No’. It’s just not right to think that everything happens for a reason. It’s not just the bad things, think about the good things too like when you meet someone you feel connected to, when you see a beautiful blue sky with white clouds spread all across taking you back to your childhood days bringing back all your memories creating a feeling of nostalgia, when you see beautiful mountains with shades of green and you feel like you want to just climb the mountain and look at the whole world differently, when you see the colourful birds flying across the sky or sitting on the green trees near the beautiful flowers chirping and making those beautiful sounds like listening to music, when you stand in the balcony and feel inevitable when the air brushes against your hair and your face, when you fall in love with someone and want to spend your whole life together, when you have your first kiss, when you ride your first bike, when you see your mom and dad proud and happy, when you achieve your dreams. It’s a tough thing to think about isn’t it??

I feel like I am just a dot on the whole planet as are the others. It’s just that if we have a purpose what kind of purpose do we think we have?? It’s mostly about having a good career or a good job, a good life. When we say a good life what do we mean? I mean a good life what does that consist of? I know that not everyone thinks about crap like this but well all my life I have been thinking about this sort of stuff and to be honest I haven’t found the answers to any of the questions that I have been trying to find the answers for. In general a good life consists of a good education, which will lead to a good job leading you to a good pay making your life better as you could afford things and get married as well as support your family and your parents and make them proud. So to tell you the truth that’s what a good life is according to the examples set by the human kind themselves for the generation that comes. Well there are some humans who believe in a different kind of good life. It consists of being happy, following what your heart tells you, making as many memories as you possibly can, enjoying your life, going on adventures, finding love, pursuing your dreams and living your life. I mean all of that sounds so good but well some of us can’t do that because well we all have different situations in our lives. I’ll be honest here you know what hurts the most is having expectations. It’s a true story based on my experience. Well I am at a point where I feel that if I hadn’t had any expectations then probably I’d be happy by now but sadly that’s not the case. We try our best to fulfill our expectations and sometimes they work out and sometimes they don’t it’s the way it is, isn’t it? As I was saying I am at the point where I feel like I just want to have a normal, simple life. Now according to what definition is a normal life defined. Normal life might be of two ways were you live a life like a routine as explained above or you get what you want without anything that seems to bring you down no matter what/how much you try. Now having expectations is a part of people’s life and we can’t suppress that but it only arrives when we are in contact with information and knowledge of the rest of the world.

Think if you are a person living in a far away village without any contact with the happenings of the outside world. You have your chores, your studies and a life where you are not pressured or given something to think about as of your future. You know what your life is going to be when you grow up as you will take your father’s place in agricultural work. You go to your school where you have friends who have the same intentions of their future and the teachers and professors are supportive of that. Your parents don’t think of anything that you do when you grow up as a shameful profession. It may be a small garage, a small poltury, a small farm, a small tire repair shop, a small business, etc. Everyone around you believes in you and knows that you will do good in your future. You don’t have to worry about staying hungry and not providing your family anything to eat because you know that you work hard so does your father. You have good role models and examples to follow and that’s a great life for you. That’s one case scenario of a normal and simple life. Now take a look at this kind of life where you wish you would have a normal life. You are a person who lives in a city although whose parents lived in a village and moved to the city just to have a better future for their kids. Both the parents are illiterate but suffered through a lot when they were kids. You being the intelligent person academically for till your first grade and then loosing your interest in studies as you reach your 12th grade. You being the first born who has a lot of responsibilities on your head as to get a better job and provide your parents support. Everyone around you judges you no matter what you do and they do not support you. Your parents don’t want to focus on any other activities and want you to only focus on your academics. You being a kid who feels your parents feelings and who doesn’t want to hurt their feelings give up your dreams and try to move on. You try to tell your parents before your bachelor’s degree about it but they inform you to forget about it and let go. You complete your bachelor’s degree and all the moving on thing isn’t working out for you anymore. You feel like a trapped person who can’t tell your parents or anyone else because you have to do a job and bring money in your house so that you can support your parents. You also feel like it’s too late to pursue your dreams now because it feels like a lot amount of time has already gone by and you are not even at the basic level yet. The odds of you being successful about your dreams have already decreased to a bigger amount of percentage. Now you are confused what you want to do with your life. You feel like you never lived your life, never had fun in your school life or college life, never had any adventures, nothing. Even if you want to start your basic step of your dream it feels too hard because to do so you have to tell your parents about it because you want their approval and support. It’s all because you moved out to the city where your parents told you about wishes, your teachers helped you to connect to the outside world, modern world’s technology made you see the progress of the whole world, in short giving you the information and knowledge.

So these are the two scenarios where you can differentiate between a normal life and when you would instead wish for a normal life. Isn’t it something huh?? Well living has been made hard by the human kind themselves but they tend to forget that people who already lived their life creating these things don’t consider that the world changes and so should the way of living. Now I am not saying that we only live as the two examples I gave before because everyone has a different life and I don’t know what happens in their lives. Yet I believe that we live for a limited amount of time trying to find our purpose just so that we can find our happiness and satisfaction and wait till we die. I don’t mean to sound negative but well that’s the truth, isn’t it? Purposes vary but there are only the same amount of purposes that everybody thinks there are like to find your dream, to get a good job, to have a good career, to have a successful life, to find love, to find happiness, to make others happy, to travel the world and more. Here when I say successful I feel like we don’t know what success means. It’s because we only strive for success rather than striving for happiness and satisfaction doing what we want. We don’t find our passions rather just try to have a decent living making regrets that we can’t forget till the last day of our breath. Think about that because life is too short to be wasting our time and waiting till we die rather live your life the way it was meant to live. When we say live your life to the fullest it doesn’t mean run for success or run behind something that’s not going to make you feel satisfied or happy, we say that live your life finding and doing what makes you happy. In today’s world we don’t live we survive and there’s a difference we don’t see. Surviving is never satisfactory it’s just pain and regrets, while living on the other hand is what is the complete opposite of surviving. Surviving is just waiting till you die while living is making each moment count. I think that maybe I drifted apart from the topic that I was writing about but well at least it’s related and sorry for that to happen cause I continued the half the next day. It happens when you live in a surrounding that I live in. Yet the important thing is don’t just wait till the end, don’t just survive, live your life, live as it is your last day on Earth. We may not have a purpose to exist but we can make one and when we do don’t let someone or something take it away from you. Well when I say this I know that it’s really hard and difficult and impossible for some people but well at least we can try. All I want to say is that some people don’t get the chance to live the way they want to but those who can please don’t give up.

All pictures are taken from Pinterest

#Living #Dying #Purpose #Choice #Dreams #Pain #Sadness #Emotions #DontGiveUp #Questions #Life #Devastation #Disappointment #Poor #Imaginations #Suffering #Surviving #Time #Confusion #DifferentLives #ShitThatNoOneTalksAbout #Think #Live

Aren’t you Waiting??


What is this word accountable for?? Is it really that worth?? Why do we wait??

That’s a question on my mind lately and it’s quite hard to find any answers. It’s true that people say the more you wait for something the sweeter is the taste or they say patience is the key. Isn’t it funny that we wait for something that we don’t know might happen or not. It’s just what our mind and our heart feels like. We think that waiting will be worth it if there’s a possibility of something happening in our lives that we want. We wait for that opportunity that could change our whole life. We wait for that chance that could turn our life into a dream. Hence we wait.

Let’s say there’s something on your mind that you want to do in your life. It may be concerning about your career or your social life or your dreams. You have all these thoughts about it and you feel like you are stuck at a place and can’t go further no matter how much your try. It’s like you are in a loop where no matter what decision you make you feel like you don’t know what to do. The part where you feel like you don’t have any idea as of what you should do to achieve it. I feel that way and I can’t find any answers. When you get up in the morning and your alarm is going off you open your eyes a little bit and think that “hey what am I going to do today?” And “is it worth to get up today?” And “is anything going to change today?” And “is today’s the day that the change will take place?” After thinking that you feel like the answers to all of that is a Yes or No. Some days when the answer seems to be a ‘Yes’ that’s the day you wake up as soon as the alarm goes off but when you feel like the whole day passes by and that today wasn’t the day and that the day is gone without any change, you feel down. So the days go by everyday and you try to keep up the attitude of getting up early just waiting for the change (When I say waiting for the change I mean that you try to do something to make that change happen) and you feel like it’s not happening that’s the time when the answer to the above questions turn to ‘No’. When the answer become as a ‘No’ that’s when you we start pressing the snooze button over and over again till the time until someone walks into our room yelling at us to wake up. We start wasting the days by sitting around in our house on the beds and the chairs watching some movies or TV shows on our laptops crying about how we lost. We start either eating way less than we used to or eating way more than we used to. We give up conversations with the people near us, we start looking at the sunny sky wondering what we could have been doing right now, we start feeling dizzy and nauseous all the time, we start feeling like everything is over, we start feeling that nothing in this world matter, we start to remember all the things from our past, we start to feel like there’s no energy within us to do anything, we start to feel worthless and sad and devastated and we feel like the only thing we could do now is sit and wait till everything gets over (Here sit and wait means doing nothing at all).

We start sleeping more because we feel like when we dream in our sleep it’s much better than the reality that haunts us. It’s because well we think about that particular thing that we want the most in the world every second of our time and when we sleep our brains just go through all that stuff making it occur in our sleeps. Sometimes there are times when we feel like what is sleeping going to do for us either. We feel like sleeping isn’t helping us it’s just a way to escape the reality but we feel like sleep also wastes our time. So sometimes when we are lying in our beds thinking about everything we stay awake till 3:00am to 4:00am at night crying in our beds. We do eventually fall asleep because of all that crying but at some point we know that even that is never going to help us. We get angry at ourselves and try to make ourselves stronger again by confusing ourselves that there is a way we could get back on our feet. This in turn makes the answer as a ‘Yes’ and we start to do something about it till the day comes when again the answer turns as a ‘No’. So I say it’s like a loop in which we feel like we are stuck. This loop happens everytime but the only thing that makes us go through with it is the concept of Waiting.

When I said is waiting really worth it, I was just thinking that it’s just our mind that can’t let go of something that we think might have a possibility of happening in the future. To be honest well it’s a situation that I am going through right now and that’s the question that comes to me everyday. It’s like one part of me tells me to move on but the other part tells me to wait because it’s the only thing that can make you happy. It’s a tough spot because we know that moving on is something that everyone has to do because well people think that it’s healthy for us but when you think about that possibility that might happen if you don’t move on that’s what holds your foot back. We are afraid of regrets and we don’t want to have any regrets when we are at the last moment of our lives. So when we move on and go forward and at some point we still are not happy and think about that one thing that we thought would have made us happy and we couldn’t wait that creates regret. Just think that you have moved on letting something so precious to you go and you didn’t even get a chance to try to go for it, how would you feel. What I think is that there are infinite possibilities of something happening but when it’s too difficult and it feels like it’s never going to happen ever don’t you think that there might be a tini-tiny possibility like a 0.000000000000000000000001% of something to happen. It’s what we do just to increase the percentage of that possibility that counts. Well if we move on than it’s like it will be a whole 0% possibility but if we keep on trying the possibility can even change into a 50% or maximum as a 100%. So think about it when you are about to give something up that means the world to you.

I have always said that everyone has a different thing that makes them truly happy so if that’s the thing that you are having doubts about (like me) I say don’t move on. Just wait and try because if there is a possibility than why would you want to move away from it. I don’t know how others feel about it but that’s what I feel. Yet I am stuck here because well it’s a point where the answer to the questions mentioned above is a ‘No’, so I am waiting till I fool my brain into making the answer ‘Yes’ but up till then you I am here lying on my bed telling people how to make something worthwhile rather than worthless.

I say dream and fight because maybe you might achieve what you are looking for without any regrets in your life. Also remember that it might not happen or you might not get what you are looking for but at least there won’t be any regrets because you would have tried rather than moving on. It’s a simple formula that I have come to notice that is Moving On = Giving Up. So don’t move on just wait, hold on and try for the best because life is only a one time thing and if you loose your chance now you won’t get another ever. There will be ups and downs like I expressed mine but it’s just one down slope to rise much further ahead. (Or I don’t know who am I kidding it just goes down and down and down and down without any escape). Nah, just kidding. It’s just hard, very very hard to walk alone in all this mess that we go through. So grab a person who truly supports you because the ride does gets a lot bumpy and you might need someone to make you stay on the right path and remember that if nothing goes right ever just make the best out of what you can because life is always going to be this binary with a 1 as a Yes and 0 as a No.

All pictures are taken from Pinterest

#Dreams #Life #Waiting #MovingOn #DontMoveOn #HoldOn #DontGiveUp #StayStrong #Binary #Choices #ShittyLife #DreamOn #YesOrNo #1Or0 #Possibilites #Probabilities #Live #Sleep #Exhausting #Devastating #Sadness #Happiness

Day or Life??

People say it’s a bad day not a bad life. The part I don’t understand here is what if the bad day keeps on repeating itself everyday. What does that make it? Is it a bad week or a bad month or a bad year or what if it goes on for years??

We humans are not that smart, are we? I say so because we only make up stuff that makes us cool down for a little while. The stuff like some quotes or some poems or some songs, the beliefs, hopes, and other stuff. When we make up all those things do we think about how does just saying that may change our life? We just make that stuff up so that we can believe in those things and create a false hope in ourselves. This false hope, that’s what we try to live by. The example of others lives and the part of how choosing some sort of a way out will help us live a better life. We think that moving on is the only choice we have sometimes in our lives but have you ever thought what happens to those people who can’t move on, the people who can’t let go and start their lives again? I don’t think most people do because everyone thinks that’s moving on is essential and important but what we forget is that it takes it’s time. So for some people it may be an hour, a day, a week, a month, a year, two years and so on. Hence if you think about a person where it takes him a lot of time to move on more than anybody else is the person who gets trapped in this loop of trouble in his mind. He/she suffer through a pain that can’t be shown or expressed but it hurts more than it seems.

Think about the frustration, the botheration, the sadness, the anger, the feeling of devastation, the feeling of being worthless, the lost energy within him/her, the part where it feels that there is no reason in getting up early in the morning or the feeling of not getting out of bed, the feeling that makes you think that there is no reason in doing anything that you have been doing so far, the feeling where you think that nothing is going to change even if you try everyday. These kinds of thoughts occur in a person mind when he/she is having a hard time moving on or letting go. That person just can’t accept the fact that there is something that is called moving on. He/she doesn’t want to accept it because he/she thinks that maybe at some point there might be something that could happen. That person think that there’s at least some possibility that everything will work out and he/she just doesn’t want to give that up. Yet he/she is stuck at this place where it’s hard to even do anything while holding onto that only thought.

I was talking to my sister the other and she was saying something about living in the present. I told her that at a point in my life I was all about that. I was the one who thought about living in the present and forgetting about the future. I used to think that living every second of the time with your family, enjoying every second of your time of life, living life the way tha it was supposed to be lived. I used to believe that life happened because of a reason that is to “live it”, but at some point in my life I thought about how stupid it sounded. It is because well humans made life what it is today. Everything that we see around us is what humans created by themselves, well not the nature and oxygen and stuff like that but the things like giving life a new meaning.

The meaning I say as by setting an example for every person to live the life the exact same way. It starts from being born, growing up, receiving education in your school, being the best at your academics, working hard, choosing a field that can get you at a higher part of the financial pyramid (like science field, engineering, medical, etc), completing your graduation, getting a job at 21 years of age or the maximum of 24-25 years of age, then marry someone and have children and make them do the exact same things that your parents made you do and let them continue the same things over and over in their lives.

I mean what is the point in having choices and freedom to live your life on your own. Those things that I mentioned they are exactly the factors of moving on. We have always in our lives from the time we are born till the time we die we keep moving on. I mean is that what life is all about?? I don’t know if we were supposed to live that way because well we don’t choose to being born. It’s a courtesy of our parents who bring us in this world and they are the one because of whom we are introduced to life. So where are the choices?? We get whatever there already is set up for us as in the family, the relatives, the situations, financial situations, place of birth, time of birth, rituals, culture, the development of the world and so on. So what we do is move on. We live that life because we don’t have a choice. We live it because we move on and forget about it. It’s not like we could go back in time and make a difference no matter how much we want to. We get stuck with the things those were already there and that’s how everybody has a different life.

Imagine yourself being a different person who has everything and also imagine yourself being a person who has nothing at all. The difference between both of them is the situations that they were brought to life. That’s the thing. We can’t choose. I have heard at many places that we don’t choose somethings and they happen for a reason. I have to say that it is complete bullshit. Now don’t get me wrong but there was a time when I used to believe that but now through my experience in life I have come to the conclusion that it is complete bullshit. There is no reason.

There is no reason of a person being born, there is no reason of a person being at a position where he/she is (speaking life-wise), there is no reason why things happen that happened. I believe that people are born by accident (true fact) because both your parents didn’t know that if they were conceiving a baby boy or a baby girl, they didn’t know how you’d look, they didn’t know what genes you might carry, they didn’t know what colour your eyes would be, and so on. They are born and then the situations that they are in that’s what makes them what they are today but yet it doesn’t matter either because at some point all that turns to dust. The only thing that has any importance is the part where you are living and making memories that makes you and the people around you happy. That happiness occurs only when we feel like we are moving ahead and are not stuck somewhere. That’s the moment when we are just moving on. See that’s the thing when we just keep moving on following the same example that the human kind has put forward, we don’t think and keep on going till the end but for some people who take a moment to think they get stuck and they start realising all these things.

They start weighing down with the thoughts and start to take a look at the way world works. They start to realise that life is only once and that we don’t get second chances. They start to realise that what’s in the past stays in the past and can’t be brought back. They start to realise that there are regrets in life. They start to realise that this is the only chance that they are going to get at life. Well it’s still good for some people who realise these things at a younger age but when some one who is older and gets to realise these things they feel like they are stuck in a bad place. When things don’t go the way that they wanted to that’s when they start having bad days. When time starts running away from them that’s when they feel like they are loosing. Hence bad days become bad week, bad month, bad year and at the end a bad life. These people who go through these things they feel like they have lost all the hope, they feel that there’s no such thing as destiny, these people are the ones who forget the word happiness and it leads to a fall in their lives.

So bad days don’t just happen to people, they happen because of the part where they realise that moving on isn’t a good thing in life. That’s the way it is in people’s life. So everyday feels like a bad day when not even one thing goes the way you wanted it to go. You try to move on or just shut the thoughts for an hour or so by engaging in a meaningless activity like sleeping or watching a movie but the thoughts come back. The concept of bad day to bad life isn’t a concept that’s made up it’s a real thing that’s just exaggerated in the world because of the movies that’s we watch. It’s not because of some stupid breakup or anything that is so low it happens when you start to feel worthless and you start to feel that life has no meaning and that nothing goes your way. It’s the part where you feel more comfortable in solitude rather than in a company. It’s the part when you are lying on your bed without any sound just staring at the ceiling or the fan. It’s the part when you are looking outside your window to a far distance just thinking that maybe things are different after that distance. It’s the part when you keeping staring at the stars and the sky in the evening thinking about something that you could do to change your situation. It’s the part where you want to do something that could help in a slight change but you can’t because of the situation in which you are stuck.

There are different things for everyone making them feel this way. The things like when you feel you have a lot of responsibilities on your shoulders and you are not making it better. When you have a dream so important to you but you can’t pursue it because you are stuck at a place where you have to supply your folks and family financially or who don’t want you to follow your dreams. When you want to travel the world but you can’t because well you belong to a poor family who can’t afford to eat. When you want to pursue your higher education abroad but you can’t because you have got less grades and because you can’t afford it. When you feel alone all the time and you can’t talk to someone about it. When you want the world to see you but they can’t because you are like a person that doesn’t even exist. When you are willing to give everything for others but no one would do the same for you. When all you want is to be happy but you can’t because of a lot of shit that you are going through. When you have all these thoughts that are haunting you but you can’t tell your parents or friends or siblings because they wouldn’t understand you. When you are stuck in a loop and can’t figure a way out. When you have lost all your hope but yet trying to live like nothing has changed. When you are sad inside but you keep a fake smile on your face just so the people around you feel happy. When you feel like you have lost everything but yet you try to hold onto yourself. When you feel tired and exhausted even when you haven’t done any work. When your head and heart hurts at the same time. When you feel like sleeping the whole day but you don’t and when night arrives you can’t sleep at all. When you feel like you can’t hold on anymore. When you are so angry at yourself and you hate the whole world. When you hit somethings so hard that your hand hurts and it feels great. That’s when you know that a bad day is turning into a bad life.

Sometimes you feel like well it’s always been you who made this happen and that maybe you are just here as a side character or to be accurate an extra in a movie that’s called Life. I don’t know what to do to get out of this kind of mess but just I can suggest that maybe all you have to do is ask yourself a question that goes

Is it really a bad day or a bad life????

All I can say that it’s upto us of what we make out of it. We can cut the chase short by calling it a bad life or rather fight on and only consider as a bad day or bad days………

These are just some views that I have shared, nothing to create a concern about. Just think and let me think out loud.

All pictures are from Pinterest

#Life #Dreams #BadDay #Day #BadLife #LivingInTheMoment #Past #Present #Future #Darknesa #Sadness #Devstation #Anger #Feelings #DontGiveUp #Fight #Choices #ShitThatHurts

A Choice?

Hey there, How are you?

I know that it’s been a long time since I last wrote anything. The reason I asked the question in the first line is becuase it’s important sometimes to ask people the question. We don’t know what a person is goin through in his/her life and when we ask that question we don’t ask about his career or education or his relationships, we ask him about his LIFE.

Yeah, it’s true. The question “How are you?”, it makes you answer about everything that is happening in your life. I know that people mostly reply as they are fine but the way the person answers tells us all about how he/she is actually doing. You see eveyone is fighting his/her battles that nobody knows about and its frustrating and difficult to not let the world know about them. For example, this year Gruaduated my Bachleors program. This was a huge deal for me because I also turned 22 years old on 8th June and the pressure of not being statisfied with where I am right now it bothered me. I felt I had hit rock bottom. You see I had a plan, a 4-year plan, when I was 18 years old and I wanted to make it happen no matter what. It was a way that made both me and my folks happy and proud of me but sadly it didn’t happen. I had to pursue my dream and also support my parents and hence I took a chance at the Bachelors program that would earn me enough amount of money that could support my parents as well as my dream. The plan was simple and was all well thought. I told everyone who were close to me about it but as it turned out I am at a place right now where I feel that I am not even at the starting stage about my dream. In December 2018, it hit me that this was my last year of graduation. My past came back to life reminding me that my 4-year plan was already gone to shit but I still am pursuig my education and that i haven’t graduated yet so i still have time untill I am officially 22 years old. Days went by as usual and well things were slow or were not happening at all. It always felt really bad and I somehow tried to keep up my mind to not give up. I am still doing that as you know I still feel like I haven’t started my jorney of pusuing my dream. My folks and the people in our surroundings want me to get a job but little do they know that I don’t want to. It’s not what I want to be doing for my whole life.

Everyday is a struggle and I understand that but we can’t give up. My whole life I was scared of death. It was so bad that I couldn’t sleep at nights sometimes due to the nightmares. So I started to fight this problem and now I am not scared anymore, well maybe a little but not as bad as before. I started beliving that Life only happens once and you got to make the most out of it. We can’t die with regrets and we shouldn’t. So I stared telling people the same. I started telling people to make memories rather than regrets, start living the life, don’t sit and cry about the things that you can’t have instead fight so hard that you can get what you want. It might not get to you but you would not feel sad becuase you will know that you tried and didn’t give up making all those memories that you could never regret. I say you like a person then just go ask them out, if you want to travel the wrold then do it, celebrate every little thing that you can, you want to change the world then well change it because there’s no one stopping you except yourself. The important thing is that there might be bad times and you will feel like giving up so badly that it takes over you but you have to remember what you are fighting for because that will make you stronger.

There are times when you feel like the end of the world, you might feel everthing is worthless and nothing matters in the world, you might feel angry and sad and devastated but remember that there are ways to fight these feelings. I say if you feel that way pack your bags and leave, go to the places that you like, go to a cool and silent place, go to sit in the nature for a while, call a freind and even if he/she is not availabe call a bunch of others, you can call your small brother/sister, someone that is a long relative (dosen’t matter if he/she is younger or elder than you), chat with them. There are really bad times when you might feel like you should end everything and that living doesn’t matter but hey alwayas remember that it always does. Living matters more than anything in the world. You can Cry, Cry your heart out to someone, Forget the world for a while and see the beauty that is in the nature. People are connected to each other in a way that no one can ever explain. If a person is born, it would have its effect on his mom and dad, they will have an effect on the people they are close to like their parents and friend, those people would have an effect on the people who are close to them and it goes on and on and on. So remember you are the one who are the center part of the world as much as is the other person. You are important.

I know that you all might be thinking why I am talking about these things, well I’ll tell you why. The reason is that one of my cousin brother he comitted suicide yesterday and it was devastating to watch all the reactions of his parents, his older brother and the people who cared about him. My parents cried too and it was the first time that I cried over somebody’s death and my sister’s first time of crying too. It was horrible when we got the news in the early morning and we just couldn’t believe that it had happened. It’s hard to go through that pain in your life and I experienced it yesterday. He was an amazing person and he was a person who was always there for you when you needed him. His behaviour was like a guy who would other people before him. He cared about everyone he knew. I remember that he was the first person who made me ride a bike on my own sitting behind me guiding me how to ride it properly. He also made my close related cousin brother(“V”- name that I’ll call him here) ride his first bike too and they fell in a puddle at a farm and it was a memory that V will never forget. Everyone was devasted as he was the first to do such a thing in our relatives and also because he was a young fellow around 27-28 years old. He didn’t even leave a note and his parents were so heartbroken as they never saw this coming the same as everyone else. I couldn’t look at them or his brother or even my parents crying and all our relatives with all the other cousins crying as well. I couldn’t hold back my tears seeing all that.

I know that people feel the way he might have before taking such a decision and we couldn’t do anything to save him but I don’t want the people out there to feel the same. I want to let everyone know that IT WILL BE ALRIGHT. I want to tell everyone that there are more choices available for you. I undersand that you don’t choose life in the first place while your are born but remember the life chose you. I understand that there are tough times and I know how tough they can get believe me but always know that where there’s life there’s choice. It’s never the end of the options. You always have choices that make you live. People may feel depressed and lost and so in-depth of the darkness but there’s always a way out of it which leads you to life. Even though I wasn’t that close to my cosuin but we had memories and that’s what are important. I understand that you might feel traped and feel like there’s no way to escape but it is just because you don’t know the other choices yet. Hence when you share and talk to people you can get more choices to choose. The lacking information makes you feel that way. I understand that there are fights, embarrassments, break-ups, feelings of loneliness, life hitting you hard, the pain that you might go through and other things but always remember that no matter what happens suicide is not a choice. It never is. I understand that you might not be able to talk to someone you know or you might not feel like talking to a counselor or even reach out to a suicide prevention site but there’s always someone out there that will listen to you. I’ll tell you what you contact me or write in the comments. You can tell anyone. It dosen’t matter who you talk to. You can find a random perosn in the park, a random person in the train, on instagram, facebook or anywher out ther who will definetly listen to you and help you by making you see the other choices in your life. According to me, in todays world age doesn’t matter as to be matured. I say this because when I feel down I go and talk to my younger sister or my younger cousin brother. It helps me and I get to see the different choices. These choices in return help me to go on and live life the way I want to live.

Hey, if you ever feel like this then please contact somebody and remember that you matter because without you the world wouldn’t be the same literally. Just go outside for a walk or in your car, drive as far as possible, go fly to some different place, see the wonderful things around you in the nature, play with a little child, listen to the music with the volume way up, scream loudly FUCK, go to the gym and hit a punching bag so hard that all your thoughts fall out of you, cry, cry loudly, tell people they are wrong by standing your ground. The most important thing is TALK TO SOMEONE, ANYONE.

Remember I need you,

Your Mom needs you,

Your Dad needs you,

You Brother needs you,

Your Sister needs you,

The Whole World needs you

You are the center of the universe and without you the world would be nothing.

Remember there’s always a choice………….. So choose Life.

Here are some websites that provide help, contact them if you ever feel down :


phone number: 022 2754 6669

suicide prevention 1

phone number: 1-800-273-8255


Nimh Nih

phone number (Roshni, NGO) always there to listen to you: +914066202000

phone number(Coo,NGOS, between 1pm to 7pm from Monday to friday): +918322252525

You can write anonymously to Sneha Foundation India at :

phone number: +914424640050

Vndrevala Foundation:

Vandervala foundation

phone number:+9118602662345

All Images are taken from Pinterest

#Life #SuicidePrevention #Choice #Dream #Hope #Help #Anger #Devastaion #Sadness #ChoosrLife #ChooseWisely #YouAreImportant #YouAreTheWorld #Love #SonnerOrLater #Chances #Lifeline #Assra #VandervalaFoundation #CrisisResources

Story of every night

My heavy eyelids
They pressure me to close my eyes
I know if I did so
I’d wake up in my dreams

My exhausted brain
It tells me to sleep
But if I do
I don’t know if I’d be dreaming about you

My heart pumps louder
I can hear it’s voice
It can’t believe today’s over
And I am still alive

My ears are so vibrant
They hear everything
The clock ticking slowly
Time getting away from me

My body tries to shut down
But I don’t want to sleep
It’s because of you
I want to retreat

The past is gone
It was yesterday
If I sleep tonight too
I can’t come back to today

I want to talk to you
I can’t even if I tried
Cuz you only appear in my dreams
So I have to sleep every night

Assuming or Understanding ???

Hi again. Did you ever get stressed out about your life?? I know it’s a stupid question for me to ask because everyone does. I am asking this question because there are moments in your life when it feels like the level of that stress has rocketed through the sky and reached another galaxy.

I know how that feels. I know it due to many reasons, if I am being honest. I am not exaggerating anything today here. Whatever there is going to be written in today’s blog is real. It’s kinda about my own life experience. I was/am feeling depressed all the time. I say it because well yesterday was a mess. The whole day I felt that I was gonna burst into tears at any moment. The reason for that was not that quite big though. The reason was because all the memories I had came to me at once and it felt horrible.

In my country we have this festival called Holi and it happened yesterday. It’s a festival of saying goodbye to the winter and welcoming summer season. Yesterday I felt we (as in my family) didn’t do much. I woke up real late, as did my sister, and we just spent the day sitting in our own rooms the whole day. I didn’t talk at all to anyone yesterday. It was because the thought that came to me about my past experience of this day. Every year people enjoy this festival by applying various colours to each other’s faces and also play with some water. We did do that in our past and after some point we thought what a terrible way to waste water and the colours. We stopped playing Holi when we grew up. Yet in our of building where we used to live people still visited our house to apply colours to our faces. I saw that we used to laugh at that. I felt like a happy memory. When I thought about that memory it made me sad. I thought that it was a fake smile, fake laughs that I used to show people (the time when I stopped playing Holi). The family that we were doesn’t exist anymore. That was the thought in my head. It was every other day there was since I started to make a change in our house or should I say the day that I started to change. I still remember that day it was not long ago, it was the 27th of December 2018. That day it hit me that it’s been four – five years since I had a plan to be at a position in my life where I wasn’t today. The disappointment took over me. The feeling of anger, sadness devastation came over to me and made me realise that I was unsuccessful in creating my future the way I wanted to do. Now I used to blame people around me for that situation to be like this but I knew deep down that it was all me. The mistakes that were caused were because of the old me. So I decided to kill that old me and create a new me who doesn’t get distracted and focuses on what knows will make him feel satisfied with his life. Now don’t get me wrong but I know that life isn’t just about that, but for some people happiness is in different things. People feel happiness and satisfaction doing various things that they think is right and it is true. If a guy finds happiness by sitting in a chair whole day without doing anything then it is his happiness. If a girl finds happiness drawing various kind of art that is her happiness. If a person finds his happiness in his family then that is his happiness.

The point is that when I realised what my happiness was I felt I was too late for that. All my life until the moment of that day I previously mentioned I tried to find my happiness. I couldn’t back then. I was busy making the people around me happy without noticing that it wasn’t mine, but it was there’s. I know that I can’t say that it was there happiness either because well I don’t know what makes them happy. I just wanted to make everyone happy that’s all. The real reason for that was because I was afraid of the one thing everyone is afraid of and that is the end. I just wanted to make every moment of everyone’s life around me be so amazing that there wouldn’t be a need of the end (or so I believed because I was a dumb kid who used to believe that if you want something so bad that it will happen). As time passed away I realised it doesn’t work that way. The reason that I am writing it is because just when I worte the blog Was it Mindfulness??Was it mindfulness? I talked about that problem that I had of biting my nails so badly that I used to make my fingers bleed sometimes. I used to do so because I thought that maybe doing so will make everything better. My mom knows whenever I start biting my nails way too often that something is wrong and I am in a stressful situation. It happened again just yesterday. I started biting my nails way to much and it freaked me out. I don’t want to bite my nails but I couldn’t help it the fingers just were under my teeth and after sometime I used to realise what I was doing and take them back out.










This all started because of the day to day things happening in my life recently. I read a question and answer content on Quora the question was I am 22 and I feel like I shouldn’t exit, is it right? Well I know that I shouldn’t search this kind of a thing but well I did and a beautiful answers was written by a lady whose name I can’t quite remember. She stated

that it usually happens when you are about to graduate or in the last year of your college and it feels like you have achieved nothing because of your past and the fear of the future that is going to arrive makes you think so.

It was a good answer because it was somewhat true. It also continued as

It also happens because you don’t know what you were doing so far and now you have realised that this isn’t what you wanted to do with your life because this will lead you to do something that will stick with you for your whole life.

I believe what she was trying to tell is that if you don’t like what you are doing that is probably the reason why we feel this way now. For me I knew that this was my last year of college and that I wasn’t doing something that I wanted to do in the first place as this was just supposed to be a support to what I wanted to do originally. Yet I didn’t focus on the original thing and got too busy in this thing itself. The daily college routine and the projects, assignments, the fear of the teachers. I say the fear of the teachers because well in my college (which I won’t name by the way) some teachers are so mean that they don’t ask any reasons or explain politely about our mistakes (committed for the first time) or understand what the student may be going through. In fact our college don’t even have a counselor who would understand a student or talk to him and be a bridge between the teachers, students and parents. You see sometimes students can’t talk to the teachers directly because they are afraid of what the teacher might think. They can’t talk to their parents because well they don’t want to upset them and also protect them from disappointment. A counselor acts as a bridge as a student if brought into confidentiality then he/she might express their thoughts resulting in a good environment and health of the student. In our college it’s not like that. Our teachers don’t understand if a person is going through some things such as depression, anxiety, fear of able to speak up or anything else. They just assume that everyone is the same. I say to all those teachers and professors out there everyone isn’t the same,we might be similar but not the same.

I have been going through some shit of my own as explained above and I can’t talk to people that often. I fear of talking to people as because I don’t trust anyone that I feel may leak my information or just think that I am weird or stupid. I don’t express my feelings that easily to anyone but if a person shows even a little bit of support I act freely with them. This professor that I have (won’t name him either) thinks I act over smart even when I don’t talk. I might have not attended his lectures at first because well his lectures started in December and I had chicken pox the whole December (yeah it happened that late). That time I was alone with my thoughts and as I wasted a whole month doing nothing and I realised everything about what I wanted and what I was doing and about my life.

You see I am writing this here but I still am afraid that people may think that I am stupid and weird but well maybe I am and I don’t know. I just am saying this because I am having a terrible time lately. The professor I mentioned earlier is also the guide to my project (100 marks research work) and he says that I didn’t meet him often and asked him anything about my project and that now I didn’t attend his lectures he is not going to sign on the project. The truth is I missed his first meeting (which I wasn’t aware of till when he informed me himself after I contacted him through WhatsApp). There is a group of students who are under his guidance and mostly the ones who are there are some selfish and overconfident students who act as they are the guides of the projects. I don’t know why am I writing this seriously. But the point is they don’t understand each other or support each other and it hurts when a professor himself treats like he has something against you. I literally want to quit my college right now but because it’s my last year I am holding on and also because of some of my friends support me I am yet standing. This college has given me a really hard time from the start but I promised myself when I took this up that I won’t quit this time until I am done with this thing. So I am still here. It wasn’t just me who felt that way some of my friends did too but we still stayed strong.

I have a phrase of myself as I say or believe that is

If you don’t know, then don’t assume shit.

I believe that if a person doesn’t know what is happening with someone else’s life don’t assume something. It is because you will treat him the way that you would think is right, not keeping in mind that the reason may be different for that person to act that way. I say to everyone out there hold on and get it through. Don’t assume what a person is going through because it creates doubt in your mind and if there’s a doubt then it just will ruin everything for both of you. To the professors out there listen to you student and be supportive, understand his/her feelings. Everybody is not the same. I say it here because I can’t say it out there to the real person, no-one can because of the fear. I say why can’t we live in a world without fear and hate. I say parents and the elder ones , the teachers and professors act friendly towards the young ones because it’s you who are creating the new generation of the world. You are shaping the world and if you do it wrong then the world is going to be disturbed later. I say don’t feel sorry for me, I don’t need sympathy as to be honest, I just need the support of every one out there to know how to act with each and every person. I say it over and over again that everyone isn’t the same and it’s true so be it that way. Support each other. You don’t know how much it hurts when it feels like you are alone and no one there to support you. I say it with experience.

I have a strong will and I take my anger, disappointment, sadness, devastation and convert it into my motivation to stand strong and move ahead. I may feel down the whole time but I won’t give up. When I have the happiness of my own I will be happy and if I am happy then my surroundings will be happy. It is because as I said in some of my previous blogs that if you are happy then your surroundings are happy. Today’s blog had not just one point to be taken into consideration but there were a lot to learn from. We should understand each other. We should help ecah other. Find your happiness so everyone around you will be happy. Don’t give up. The professors understand your students, don’t just assume that the behaviour of a person is because of something that you don’t even know but have assumed, don’t think I am weird or stupid, don’t think anyone is weird or stupid, don’t stop believing, don’t bother. There was a lot more to write but well I have to go work on my project. So keep this in mind people. I know it’s way to personal but I know the people that I am talking about wouldn’t know this and that it will atleast help others who might have gone through some similar situations would understand that we are not alone. I am focused now and I won’t give up this time the way I did before 4-5 years. I won’t fall back just because the people I usually around with don’t support me or assume something shit about me. The one who used to overthink is not there anymore yet sometimes he shows up but I comfort him by talking to him about our aim on life and that’s how I will rise (that’s what I believe or would work hard for).

That’s it for today just remember everyone isn’t the same. Support each other. Understand don’t assume……..

All pictures are taken from Pinterest

#Life #Disappointment #Sadness #Anger #Parents #Happiness #Teachers #Professors #DontGiveUp #WasItMindfulness #OCD #Depression #StressedOut #Personal #Alone #Lonliness #Hope #Assumptions #FuckedUpShit #Colleges #Counselors #Students #Devastation #Friends #MyLife #MyHalfStory #PointsToRemember #WeAreNotAlone #Sympathy #Understanding #Support #SimilarButNotTheSame #WeAreNotSame #Whatever

Moving On or Moving Ahead??

Hi, here’s a question that maybe I have asked before one of my previous blog it goes like this – How do we move on?? The reason why I am asking this question is mentioned below in the blog and you’ll find it somewhat amusingly sad.

Seriously the question speaks for itself. It is clear that that’s what we do or hear people say that’s what they do. The term moving on is defined (emotional) as the thing to accept a situation has changed and be ready to deal with new experiences by the Cambridge dictionary. It is also defined as it means to leave the place where you are staying and go somewhere else. I know you might be thinking why I am explaining the meaning and definitions to you. The reason behind it is I am being haunted by my past and some of the people that I know told me to let it go and move on. Now I know that it’s a really good advice but have you ever thought that maybe the past keeps us motivated somehow. Well we’ve heard that we learn from our mistakes, right? These mistakes are in the past and if we forget or let it go how are we going to avoid those mistakes again? It doesn’t make any sense, does it??

The world tends to have two sides for everything. It means the world is biased with the binary numbers 1 and 0. It is so wrong though. I feel it that way. It’s like we choose whatever we think is right, it still is wrong in some other way. For example take a scenario of a close one of mine (my sister) and the words that she used some days before February 2019 about her pursuing her dream. She was talking about her dream and how she feels it’s hard to fulfill her dream after the age of 22 for her. She is 4 years younger by the way but she just suggested a scenario in front of me. That was the time I was going through the process of changing myself. Now I trusted her more than anyone other person in my house (I don’t trust anyone easily mostly my family and relatives because of my past). That time I was on the verge to tell her my dream but somehow I got this idea that she won’t approve of it and would feel jealous. So I didn’t tell her my story of my dream and just talked in riddles. The point is at that time after somedays and also before 4 years of my life I had told her the same thing about my dream (not the dream but the path). She had told me that time that it was nothing to worry about and that I shouldn’t focus on the time of those 4 years of my life. It was when I was 18/19 -ish. The tables turned and she had the same things to wonder and use the exact same words in front of me. It was her who felt that I was overthinking and was not focusing on my present and way too much concerned about my future at that time. Now she feels that I was right because now she now’s how it feels. You get my point how the world has two sides of everything. I know that I explained about humans though using the word world.

I mean that the fact that moving on is concerned good for us but it’s just not possible. I agree that sometimes we get too busy with our day to day life and forget about everything sometimes but what happens when we are all alone with our thoughts to ourselves. I have felt those emotions just as the same how many people do. They hurt if you don’t have something good happening in your life. Here’s another example, you know how people say that we shouldn’t have expectations? Well that’s just some bullshit. I am being honest here. Everyone have expectations. Expectations are a part of your life . Your whole life is dependent on expectations. What you expect, what your parents except, what people expect, what your family expect and it goes on…… Life’s never without exception. When a child is being born it is because his/hers parents wish to have them. It’s their wish. If we looked further wish is an expectation. The only difference between wish and expectation is that when we work hard it’s for to make that expectation come to life whereas for a wish it’s just a wish. It doesn’t involve working. We wish to go back in time but we can work for the future to get where we expect ourselves to be. The point where I am getting at is about how sometimes we get what we expected for (in a negative way) and it becomes so hard to live. Then at that point people come to you and tell you to move on. How can you if you have something so deep dream of yours crashed down.

I feel angry, sad, stressed out, devastated sometimes thinking about these things when I am all alone in my room thinking about the world and my dreams. The fact that my sister felt the same things that I did when I was 18 and I was unable to chase after my dream at that time by moving on as suggested me by my own sister and my family. I moved on by getting too busy in giving up in everything. The past went by and now I am here with those same thoughts showing up at my door. The only thing is that this time they have developed themselves into much more stronger thoughts leaving me devastated and angry all the time. I tell my sister that she shouldn’t give up all the time but as I am changing my sister finds it hard to deal with me and doesn’t talk to me much. It’s the same way around because I feel that she’s jealous of me and is sad that I don’t tell her everything. The truth is I can’t because whenever I do everyone thinks I am stupid to pursue my dream at an age of 22. As I wrote I’m my previous blogs that time doesn’t matter I tend to follow it. The part of moving on is impossible, I say impossible. Its true by my point of prospective, I don’t know what everyone thinks but it’s never the right option. The world is based on binary numbers 1 and 0 and that’s how it goes. There are not right choices, but if they are for you then do it. Go for it. Don’t hold back go to pursue your dreams. It doesn’t matter to think about others. I say don’t move on be focused because sometimes something good comes out from something bad. Use your disappointment, anger, sadness to make your life better and change it to happiness and satisfaction. When that will happen you’d know how not moving on took you from a sad place to a better place. I don’t say that everybody should feel sad all the time but my point is that if you are use it.

Have you ever read the lyrics of song “Fix You” by Coldplay. It’s written from the sadness that Chris Martin’s wife was going through when her dad passed away. All I am saying that if you can’t get over your past then try to change your future by keeping the past mistakes of your life as examples to move ahead not move on. If any siblings out there in the world reading this please, please support each other because it is important. You too may end up at the similar situation someday and would want someone to support you and there your sibling would be standing as a pillar for you.

All pictures are taken from Pinterest

#Dream #Life #MoveOn #DontMoveOn #Anger #Disappointment #Sadness #Trust #Devastation #GoodFromBad #DontGiveUp #MoveAhead #Happiness #Satisfaction

Realising or Just Believing ?!?

In every person’s story he/she thinks that he/she is the protagonist. This leads to victimisation of self. I know it because well I see it everyday. We think our life revolves around our story. We are the ones who are the main characters. We think our life is like a book or a movie or a series. We don’t think that maybe everybody thinks its his own story. From the very beginning he makes up his mind to feel that way. It’s not our fault. It what we see and believe that’s what makes us think that our life is our story. You know when I was younger I used to think that I was the protagonist and the whole world revolves around me because they are in my story. As the time passed I started realising that it’s not true and now at this point I am so sure that it’s nobody’s story if we think about it.

As I mentioned in my previous blogs how parents should choose the right Peice of Paper for their children it is because they are the ones who grow up and think that it’s their life story and they are the protagonist. If we keep on with that attitude sometimes its good if everything is going right in their lives but sometimes is not because they can’t or don’t get the things that they were thinking about. It means that only two possibilities happen in these scenarios either he/she would be happy in his life or go so deep down to give up hope and faith. If we think about it the parents too at some point where at the same stage of their child thinking that they were the protagonist and they still do sometimes. To be honest here I see my mom still thinking that she is the protagonist of the story and she victimises herself in so many situations that have been happening around in my house, like the changes caused because of me. Well for me I used to think I was one but I also thought that the real protagonist was my younger sibling and it felt like it so many times. I believe that we grow from generations to generations with so many different life forms replacing us when we move on so I feel that no one is the protagonist here. The first human to know that he/she was the only one on earth without anyone else was the real protagonist and the story ended when he/she passed on. It’s my point of prospective to think it that way. Yet I also believe that maybe we do live a story, but it might be about someone else. If we think about it think it in a way like people who in their lives reach the goal or aim that made them satisfied with their lives are the ones who were the protagonist of their own story after all. The people with whom they are surrounded by all the time were in their story and it wasn’t their story. Also again if you think that there might be two people in one surrounding reaching that point, so what? there can be more than one protagonist in a story. Here I use the word surrounding because of the fact that people usually think that they are in a small room with the people who they know and hangout with most of the time which includes their families, friends, loved ones.

When we think about the whole world instead of a small room it can be considered to be so many people who are living a story but with different endings or various scripts. It’s not always the same. Everyone is different from one another. Each human is different from another. It is because if we a were same then the world be a straight line. There won’t be any graphs in the world we would live in. Everyone would be doing the same thing, nothing would have changed from the moment of the start of the human race till this moment. We might well have been extinct because there wouldn’t be any purpose in our lives. We all would be doing the same things which only a single person could have done. The point is it’s the way of thinking that makes us different. It the thought of thinking this is our story and that we are the protagonist of our own story makes us do something more different and productive in life.

I see some people in my surroundings (as where I live and the people I usually see) and they tend to live the same life. I feel it because well the thing that happened today in the morning in my house. I was eating my breakfast and my mom and dad sat and started telling me that their isn’t happiness in our family anymore and that we have lost the love that we once had. This conversation took a comparison of some of our relatives whom we visited the day before yesterday who seemed happy and joyful at the event of a birthday of my cousin sister. I replied at the above conversation to my parents that it was our situation too when we would celebrate an event it’s natural that we feel joy at an event. To which my mom replied to me that it’s not the way it used to before with us and our family (if you don’t know what I am talking about, go to the blog that I wrote earlier that is Dreaming Or Just Started!?! ) I said

For some people (that is me) we need to understand the purpose in our lives and sometimes to achieve that and feel satisfied of our lives. Sometimes when time seems to be running fast we can’t go back and fix things so we have to focus on the present and move ahead.

My mom replied

It’s already been decided what we (as in the people in general living in her own small room) are supposed to do, they are supposed to live life happily and get settled and be happy with the ones they love.

Here what she meant was we are supposed to live a life that is already written and that we are supposed to do what everyone else does (following a same routine our whole lives). I knew what her point of prospective was and tried to stay quiet. She started telling me that everyone from their family (my cousin’s family) are doing jobs and are living happily, the cousin siblings will get married someday (arrange marriage) and start their own families and live happily. That’s the life from my parent’s point of view. As I know that they want me to do the same but I haven’t yet told them that I am not going to do that and rather focus on my dream to achieve satisfaction in my life doing what I love even if means that I wouldn’t be not earning like the cousin siblings. (If wondering, no, I am not looking to do an arranged marriage at any cost. It doesn’t go with the way my point of prospective works). In my life my family, relatives and the people I know and most people in my country usually have a plan made out for everyone and we are supposed to follow it. It goes like this:

Age 1-16 years – School

Age 16-18 years – 11th and 12 graduation/ diploma in some course

Age 18-21 years – Degree graduation

Age 21-24/25 years – Look for a Job, get a house, get a car/bike/things that you want to start a family

Age 25-30 yearsMarriage

Age 30-35 years – Have Kids

Age 35-60 years – Job and family

Age 60 onwards – live your life or sit quietly or give up everything to your kids and watch them do the same things that they did or just wait for the moment to pass on.

As simple as that looks if some of us try to make a change in it it goes a lot harder. I mean I am the first generation in my family who is trying to make a change and it feels like so I am loosing but the only difference is I am not giving up. My younger sister has this thought that the generation from 1996 (that is me) and onwards when create a new generation ahead of us they are the ones who are going to be happy and not us (this only goes in my family but also alot of families out there because the change in my country is yet to happen completely). For some people who have explored to the whole world they are already there at the time where my sister suggests that our generations would be. I believe that she is telling the truth but yet j don’t want to believe it. It is because I want to be the one who is happy and satisfied rather than waiting to see the future generation that I create happy. We should not stop believing that we can be happy too so why not just give it a try. The point is that I want to believe that I am the protagonist of my story even of I don’t think so as for now. It’s not just me but there are many people out there who know that they are not protagonists of the story and they are in someone else’s story. I know how you feel but just try harder everyday to make yourself the protagonist of your story. There’s a difference between only thinking and making it into reality. If we accept the truth that maybe we are not the protagonists in the world that we live in and try to make it happen by achieving the moment in your life where you would realise that you feel satisfied with your life. That’s my goal.

I am not giving up and nobody should. Maybe everyone is not the same but they should be same here where they should feel satisfied with their lives and be happy to achieve their dreams. The sad truth about reality is that we have less time or atleast that’s what I feel. In such a less time we have to achieve so many things. Our life starts when we realise that their is more to the world rather than what’s inside a small room of people and things that we see everyday. I am not saying that the people in our life are bad for us but I am saying that only focusing onto them and not letting yourself feel the satisfaction of living a wonderful life shouldn’t be a case. We should not think ourselves as the protagonist, we should make it happen and that’s what is right to do. Don’t ever give up as I say always because being a protagonist in real life is different than thinking that your are even when you are not.

See the change and be the change for yourself. Dream and always achieve your dream. Happiness to everyone.

To tell you the truth, I didn’t want it to be motivational but somehow it got to that place after all. And again to all the people out there first of all don’t compare yourself to others, don’t compare to any other person because you are you because everyone is different and the world need you to be this way. Don’t ever give up on your dreams. If any parents reading now that maybe the change is good and let your child change for his own good, he/she will be happy and satisfied in their life realising someday that he/she was the protagonist of his/her life after achieving the dream of life and fulfilling the purpose.

All pictures are taken from Pinterest

#Dreams #Life #Happiness #Satisfaction #World #Trapped #SmallRoom #Age #Time #TimeMatters #Living #AStory #TheStory #Protagonist #Hope #DontGiveUp #OpenYourEyes #OpenYourMind #FindYourPurpose #BeTheChange #Realise #WorkForIt